real men cry glitter.

I like to describe societal norms as a pattern, or a guideline of set “norms” deemed as “modest” that people follow and dare not question. It’s a system, whose rules are simply not to gone against. But of course, the essence of rules is that they could be broken, and thus, we gawk at an individual who decides not to conform, embracing their likes and their nature, and their interest, prioritizing their sense of self before anything, being who they truly are, and not wanting to all of that by societal expectations. It’s surprises us. Shocks us. Scares us. It’s asinine for such thing to occur. But then pegs the question, why?

A growing tiktok trend where women show off their muscular physique suddenly appeared on my timeline one morning surrounded by the bristle air from the midnight rainfall and birds composing ballads in the trees. Admiring this, I showed a friend of mine, and her reaction was rather a direct contrast to mine—one that mirrored disgust and utter repulsiveness at what I showed her.  I was not surprised, however, for I understood her thought process and why she viewed a simplistic thing such as women have biceps, as such.

We got into an argument, and in summary I explained to her how I think masculinity and femininity are made of concepts. Instantly, she motioned to my genitalia, furthermore confusing gender with sex; two different things. I explained that the idea of femininity or masculinity are certain gender traits women or men are meant to embody with no set rules thus, making them made up. Our Nigerian conservative culture has set definitives that women and men are meant to embody as thus a shift in the spectrum society can lead to catastrophe.

A rigid example can be observed in a recent wedding that took the media by storm—being quite the celebration and all. Although the party was the talk of town, what was more controversial was the fact that the brides male best friend was shedding tears at his friends wedding. As if lacking the knowledge that male and female relationships can’t be platonic, people started referring to the male best friend a failure to manhood, or outrightly homosexual, insinuating that fragility and emotional expression is something only meant for females, which is quite sad if we think deeply about it but such is observed within Nigerian males; the real pioneers of toxic masculinity. Do not show weakness, embody strength, be intimidating, be brave forgetting at the crux that we are, first and foremost, human beings.

And this does not only relate to men; taking into consideration my second paragraph where I explained about the women showing off their biceps, for who are they to have such? Women are meant to be delicate, meek, sublime, pure in all forms, nurturing and must not venture into anything regarded as masculine, but for Christ’s sake it’s just muscles! How does that make them less of a woman? And it’s just tears! How does it makes the best friend more less than a man?

It annoys me so much whenever I see people get ridiculed for not confirming to their expected roles, as they have to, and holding an argument with anyone who takes a bigoted stance, most especially a Nigerian is just having a conversation with a brick wall. I have never met people as hard-headed.

It’s a depressing thing to observe that we don’t notice or allow ourselves to see through this made up rules that have forced us—both men and women—to conform to them. It is not your “nature”. I’ve come to believe that if something is being continually spelt out to you over and over as what should be—it’s almost impossible to know what is.